Hard TImes

I try to keep my post happy and uplifting but this year and especially this last week have really tested me and my family. I have had such a hard time getting past it that I'm hoping maybe just getting some things of my chest will help!

First off this school year for Taylor has been hell and I don't say that lightly. I know girls are girls and they will all have there little battles with friends but this has gone above and beyond just your normal girl problems. On the first day of school I sent Taylor in as a happy confident girl and now with only weeks left in the year I have a sad, self concisouse girl who questions her every move because somebody might not like it or be accepting of it. What a freaking joke!!!!! I can't tell you how upset I am that at 9 years old this is how she has been made to feel. To have someone who is suppose to be a friend tell her she is just to much to handle or that they can't wait until she can wear make-up so she won't be so ugly or when she sits down to eat lunch be told to go sit with the losers where she belongs. And then every once in awhile we have the "lucky day" where she "gets" to play with an old friend and goes to school the next day thinking maybe she will be accepted again only to find she can't even get a hello!!! Im sorry but what kids should have to deal with this.

This week when I really thought as far as this problem went things couldn't get worse I guess i just needed to be proven wrong because the school informed me of a picture Taylor had drawn. Imagin this as a mother, my daughter had drawn a picture of herself being hung and her class mates laughing about it……………… I'm not even sure there are words to describe how I felt when I saw that picture and then when I tired to think of how she must feel at school to have drawn something like this. 

Well guess what Taylor is a very smart, very talented, very kind hearted person who just wants to have friends like every other little girl. She's to much handle?! Well I can't imagin being 9 years old and dealing with a disease that effects every minute of her life. People think that because my kids look fine there disease doesn't effect them but let me tell why thats wrong. First off because they look and act fine people assume they are fine, they don't care that they suffer feeling different because every time they eat they are different from the peers, or that because of food we don't do a lot of things other people do. Want to take a simple picnic well its not so simple here. They dont know that its very hard for them to express how they feel, how would you feel if you knew just what you wanted to say but you couldn't make your brain work it out, you'd get frustrated right? Well so do they. You don't realize that they are hungry a lot of the time because they can eat that much and that all the medicine they have to drink during the day makes their stomach hurt. You might realize their highs and lows or  their anxiety and be anyoed by it but guess what i promise you its worse for them!! So Taylors to much to handle!! Maybe put yourself in her shoes for awhile and see how it feels. Maybe be glad you can go to school and sit and eat a "normal" lunch with your friends. A lunch that doesn't include taking your try of food back to the lunch lady to be weighed out all so that later on during the day the lunch lady can come interrupted your class to give you your lunch paper that you have to take home EVERY day and once again remind everybody your a little different! Try to remember that she is a little girl who has feelings!

Im sorry to go off. This post really is just for me. I feel like I've tried everything including screaming at the wall and nothing is making it better. My heart breaks for her every time I drop her off at school, every time I pick her from school, every time a friend calls Brooklyn to play and Taylor is wishing just once someone could call her. 

I love Taylor more than words can say. I can't believe the strength she has. I am so happy for this school year to be over and even though I know it will probably be the same story next year it gives me some time to help mend her feelings!! To remind her of who she is and how special she is to a lot of people.